Leaving the Tomb

These last few weeks have been very trying for me spiritually. I have been faced with decisions about my future that I never anticipated. I have learned some tough lessons about discernment. I have experienced some intense growing pains as Jesus draws me into even greater intimacy with Him. I can honestly say that all of this, and I mean all of it, has been completely and utterly good because it has come directly from the hand of God. But during my ride back to campus from spending Easter with my family, my heart was in total turmoil. As I vocalized my anxieties about spending the summer in Belize, my confusion about God's will for my life, and general frustration with myself for worrying, the Holy Spirit spoke clarity into this haze that has been following me around like a rain cloud. This is what He showed me:

I accepted God's gift of salvation from my sins when I was in the first grade. I prayed to Jesus and asked Him to forgive my sins. In that moment, my sinful flesh was crucified on the cross with Christ. Just like Jesus, my old self was dead and laid in a tomb. However, this is not where my story ends. Because of Jesus' resurrection, I was given new life. In the twelve years since I was adopted into the family of God, I have been learning about my new self. The Holy Spirit has taught me that I am no longer an enemy of God, but that when God looks at me, He sees the righteousness of His son. Just these past few months, I have begun to see myself this way, too. Instead of seeing the ugly stains of sin that no longer cling to me, I see a vessel of the Holy Spirit of God, beautiful and useful.

But there's still a problem. Though I've learned so much about my new life in Christ, in many ways I've yet to start living it. It is as though Jesus is standing outside the tomb, calling me to follow him into the world. He says He has so much for me to do, that I'll love following Him around, doing the Father's will. He says the Father has plans for me, that my future is waiting just outside the tomb. Here I stand, in the mouth of the tomb, desperately wanting to run to my LORD and obey His every command. But I'm so unfamiliar with my new self that I'm hesitating. How do I trust? How do I not worry? Timidity and anxiety are all my heart have ever known until now! With all of my soul, I want to leave the tomb behind and never look back, but I feel as though I don't know how. I feel stuck.

Without intending to, I've picked up my old self and started carrying her around with me again. Jesus never intended for me to bear this burden. He died on the cross so I could leave the old me behind and follow Him! I look to Him, and I can see it grieves Him that I'm choosing to stay in the tomb, carrying this weight on my shoulders. He says I can lay everything down at His feet, that He'll take care of everything. But I need help lifting this off of me. I can't get rid of these fears and worries all by myself. Jesus says that all I must do is ask for help, and it will be given to me. Could it really be that simple?

The answer is yes! Praise God, I don't have to do this on my own. None of this is on me; it is by His power alone that these burdens are cast off! No longer am I a slave to worry and fear. I have been given peace and security in the name of Jesus, and that is sufficient for me. I may not know where I will end up when I take these first steps out of the tomb, but I know it will be the adventure of a lifetime, one that will continue for an eternity. Never once will I ever walk alone, because God is faithful in all things and will never leave my side. I am still learning what it really means to be a follower of Christ. In fact, I'm going to be spending the rest of my life learning. However, I am convinced that I have no reason to fear, no cause for worry. My God has already won the victory!