There's Peace in the Presence

I don't know if you've had a night like this, a night when the realization of just how far you've wandered from the arms of Jesus hits you like freight train. I think, at some time or other, we all have experienced this. For me, it was a couple of nights ago. My spirit was burdened with the realization that I had traded time spent with Jesus for time to do schoolwork, time to spend with friends, and time to sleep. Though this probably wasn't evident to anyone else, my spirit was thirsty, hungry, and exhausted because I had neglected my relationship with Christ. As I lay in bed mourning this loss of intimacy with my Savior, I cried out to Jesus and said:

"LORD, I need you to hold me. I feel so lost and confused, and I don't know where you are."

Then I heard the voice of Christ speak directly to my tired heart:

I already am. I am here.

Immediately, I felt a sense of relief. The weight that was crushing my soul was lifted. As I lay, curled up in the arms of my Savior, I wondered how I had ever forgotten that He will never leave me or forsake me. There, in His all-consuming presence, was the comfort and joy I had been missing.

"Don't ever let me wander from Your arms again, LORD!"

You will.

Ouch. The truth of His words cut me deeply. I will leave Him. Again and again I will leave Him. "I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway." (Rom. 7:19) His words humbled me, reminded me of my unworthiness.

"Forgive me, LORD. Forgive my tendency to wander!"

I do not condemn you for it.

Peace. Indescribable peace quieted my anxious soul and, finally, I found rest in the security of His great love and mercy.

This morning at church, we lifted up a song of worship that paints such a beautiful picture of what it is to rest in the presence of Jesus. This is my prayer today:

"I wanna sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath,
hear your heart beat

This love is so deep,
it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming"

--The More I Seek You, Kari Jobe