It Doesn't Matter

I just had the most amazing late-night spiritual conversation with a girl on my hall. This girl is one of my best friends and a dear sister in Christ. Our conversations always challenge me so deeply and spur me onward in my faith walk. Tonight, she and I spent some time in the laundry room catching up and being vulnerable with one another. It has been a few weeks since she and I have had a chance to really talk, and we both had things to get out into the open, things we needed accountability for. We talked about all of the things we have been chasing after over the last few weeks and months. As we talked, I remembered this story from my childhood:

When I was about 18 months old, my mother sat on the living room floor of my grandparents' house, video camera in hand, capturing my childhood on film. I was sitting on an old wooden rocking horse when something caught my eye. I toddled across the carpet toward the object of my desire, bent down, and picked it up. It isn't possible to tell from the video what was in my hand, but it was most likely a piece of fuzz or something of that sort. I held it up to my tiny face and my eyes got wide with wonder. Honestly, my expression reminds me of Gollum gazing intently at his "precious," eyes full of adoration. My mother's voice can be heard from behind the camera.

"What do you have, Kaitlin?" she said.

I look up at her for only a moment, an innocent smile on my face. Then, my eyes go right back to the precious whatever-it-is in my hands.

"Can Mommy have it?" she asks.

I took a step toward her, hand extended as if to hand her the object. But then, I withdrew my hand, stepped away from my mom, and went back to inspecting my treasure. "Uh-uh" I said.

"Mommy can't have it?" my mom asked one more time.

"Nooooo" I whispered. Again, the Gollum comparison comes to mind.

The filming ended here. I don't know whether I gave in and handed over the "precious" to my mother or simply lost interest. My parents and I have watched that video many times. It is always good for a laugh. However, now that I think about it, this video is actually a disturbingly clear picture of the way we withhold the "treasures" of this world from our Heavenly Father. Just as 18 month-old me was so fixated on the worthless piece of fuzz I found on the carpet that day, I obsess over the worthless treasures of this world every day.

After I told my friend this story, she said she has noticed recently how self-focused she has become in college. When she said this, something clicked in my head, and I realized I have too. We both check Facebook first thing every morning, hoping that someone liked a picture or commented on a status. We have become obsessed with becoming involved on campus and allowed our ministries to suffer. We have sacrificed intimacy with Jesus for more worldly riches.

We talked about this for a long while. Finally, we came to a depressing conclusion. It doesn't matter. None of it. It is all worthless, those things we've chased down, caught, and worshiped. The way we've been living for ourselves, it's like chasing the wind. Does this sound familiar? If you've read Ecclesiastes, it should. Just before writing this post, I went to my friend and asked her if she would start rereading Ecclesiastes with me. It's high time we both figure out what really does matter and stop these foolish pursuits. It is my prayer that our journey through Ecclesiastes will give us a renewed perspective and teach us to prioritize in a godly way.